A Reflection on Easter

 I woke up this morning dreading the day. It's a holiday, so I should be excited, right? Except I'm not, and here's why: I've been struggling with my faith all my life, and with all that's going on in the world, it feels hard to celebrate a God that refuses to intervene in Palestine, in Ukraine, in the world. Why was I so angry? Why, on a day that was meant to celebrate the renewal of life, did I feel like death?

I think it's hard to see God in a world that is constantly at war. As we watch the atrocities occur in Palestine, in Ukraine, in Sudan, in Congo, it's easy to feel hopeless. But here's the thing: that is what the enemy wants. I'm not saying you have to believe in God; hell, I'm not even sure I always do. What I am saying is that it's important to have hope and faith in something (whether or not it's God is up to you). I also want to reiterate that while this post is particularly about the Christian faith, I think struggling with believing in God or Gods is a universal religious experience. 

Here's what I've realized: having faith isn't an easy thing. It's not easy to believe in something you can't see, especially when you become an adult. But here is my truth: I choose to have faith because without faith, I don't think I could survive. This is a cold, dark world. Without faith in something, we lose the will to live, to fight. I see so much negativity on the internet and reflected back in the world, so it is so important to me to have faith.

At the end of the day, I can't force you to believe in anything (and I'm not trying to). Desmond Tutu, a South African bishop, said, "Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness." I believe hope and faith are intrinsically connected. Without one, you can't have the other. So this Easter, I won't just be stuffing my face with candy and enjoying the sight of bunnies. Instead, I'll be reflecting on what it means to have faith in a world where it is often so difficult to have faith.

An Update: You are Not Alone

It's crazy to think I started this blog 2 years ago. What's not hard to fathom is that I haven't updated it since then. This is going to be a long and emotional one, so bare with me.

In the summer of 2021, I experienced my first manic episode. That same summer, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and since then, I've learned a lot. When I was first diagnosed, I remember feeling that it was so important to tell my story, to show other people that they're not alone. To be honest, perhaps I romanticized my illness a bit initially. As time has gone on, I've become shameful about my diagnosis. I've taught myself not to let other people know about it.

During this time, I've so often questioned why I have to go through this. Why me? I'm still not sure I have an answer to that, but I think I have an inkling. I like to believe that most things happen for a reason, and this is one of those. I think I have to go through this so I can help other people going through similar things. I'm not saying I like having bipolar disorder. Hell, if I could choose to not have it, I'd do it in an instant. I'd give anything to live a "normal" life. With that being said, going through this has made me stronger, and telling my story can help others. So here I am.

This February, I was hospitalized for mental health issues. I don't wanna get too into it, but it wasn't easy. I don't think living with a mental illness will ever be easy. But here's the thing I've learned over these past few years: there is hope. Granted, there is so much ugliness in the world, but there is also so much good. There have been so many people who have shown me kindness over the past few years, who've supported me. 

Here's another thing I've learned: telling your story is so important. I love the movie "The Little Mermaid" (both the 1989 and 2023 versions), and one message from that film is the power of one's voice. Your voice is so powerful. Obviously, if you don't want to tell your story, that's okay. But if you do want to tell it, this is me telling you you should. Your words have power. Your words can change someone's lives.

I want to end this by talking about one of my favorite television shows, "Skam." Skam is a Norwegian teen drama that follows a new character each season. Season 3 follows Isak, a teenager struggling with his sexuality, as he falls in love with Even, who (SPOILER) has bipolar disorder. Even's story is one that has stayed with me for so long. One of my favorite scenes is when Isak tells Even "Du er ikke alene" (You are not alone). So that's how I want to end this post. You are not alone.

Love,

Amelia